I am, He is
by Phoenix2312
Summary: After the war, Katniss is broken. She is ready to give up but Haymitch gives her a reason to live again. Somehow she knows everything will be okay because this man is exactly like her, scarred and broken, but he is also everything she's not, everything she needs. Hayniss/Aberdeen, One-Shot, M for sexual content


**I am, He is  
One-Shot**

I burrow myself into a pile of furs in the closet, wishing that I could just hide here forever.

Peeta was left at the mercy of the capital, he was hijacked, he will never be the same.

Prim was left at the mercy of the flames, she was burned to ash, she is gone forever.

Rue. Finnick. Annie. Mags. Wiress. My mother. Boggs. Cinna. Portia. The list is never-ending.

It's my fault.

Pain rips through my chest as I see their faces.

My heart aches for everyone I've killed and everyone I've broken.

More pain rises through me, another set of faces flashing behind my closed eyelids.

Johanna. Effie. Beetee. Haymitch.

A deeper ache settles inside of me for everyone who's still here with me, eventually I will destroy them too.

I am like a raging fire, white hot and deadly. My flames lick at the people who surround me, setting them ablaze.

I am like a disease, causing pain in my wake. I should have died in that arena, should've never pulled out those berries, then I would've spared them all, well almost.

I am like a poison, silently waiting to strike. Everything I touch wilts and fades, maybe it would be better to stay here, locked in this cupboard.

Tears begin to fall, and I don't know what to do. The pain in my heart is overwhelming and I gasp for air. But why?

What is the purpose? If I were to simply stop breathing, it would end. My flame would be extinguished, my disease cured, my poison counteracted. If I did, perhaps the people I love will be spared, perhaps the world would be spared.

Someone else can finish my duties, Johanna maybe, she'd love the chance to burry an axe in Snow's chest.

I pull a large fur coat up over my head, it immediately restricts my breathing. If I do this, there is no going back, but maybe it's better this way.

I could die, here in this cupboard in Snow's mansion and no one would even know. How long would it take them to find my body, hours? Days? Weeks, perhaps?

My mind flickers to Peeta's face, the boy with the bread, who was always too good for me, who was always to pure of heart. Now because of me he's tainted

Just another person I've ruined, someone else I've caused pain in the wake of my destruction.

I tug the fur closer and lay still. The lack of oxygen makes my head spin but I do not move.

Instead I pull it tighter still, letting it suffocate me.

For one fleeting moment I want to laugh at the irony of the moment.

Asphyxiation is the only thing that can kill a flame. No oxygen, no fire.

And so the Girl on Fire will die in the same way, take away the oxygen and the flame extinguishes.

Painfully slow I feel the world falling into shadows, my eyes heavy, my lungs burning with the need for air.

I can tell I'm close. I see them.

Prim and Rue standing together holding hands, their eyes bright, a faint glow around them, like those of an angel. Finnick is there too. He places a hand on both of the little girl's shoulders in a brotherly fashion. Cinna too appears, his gold eyeliner glowing in the bright white light. Lastly I see my father's face come into view, his smile blinds me. He raises his arms, calling me to him.

The last bits of life start to flicker from my flame and I start towards them, running towards the embrace of my father.

A scream pierces the air as I'm ripped from them again, their glowing faces disappear.

I'm still dizzy and my lungs burn, but that's when I realize I'm gasping for air.

Someone is standing over me, holding the fur coat tightly.

My eyesight is hazy and I have tears running down my face.

I just wanted to be with them. Tears turn to sobs, and my body begins to shake.

I cry out into the darkness for the ones I love, begging for death, begging to go back to them.

Suddenly I'm being lifted into the air by strong arms. I feel the figure sit down and pull me tightly to their chest.

The body holding me is warm and comforting. It's familiar but I can't quite place who this person might be.

Whoever it is, I hate them.

However since death has been taken from me I cling to the strong arms and burry my face in a soft, muscular chest.

The steady pounding rhythm of a heart lulls me.

Eventually my sobs turn to whimpers but the arms surrounding me never let go, instead they pull me tighter.

For the first time in what feels like forever I take in a large, deep breath of oxygen, reigniting my flame.

In this moment I realize who's arms I'm wrapped in.

There is only one person in the world who would be able to find me in this place, because he knows me, understands me like no one else does.

Haymitch.

The anger that still resides in my chest fades a little bit, because no matter what the circumstances I will always have a soft spot for this man.

Slowly I start to pull away, wanting to look into his grey eyes, but his arms tighten even more. I can feel the possessiveness in his touch, like he's warding off my demons and my angels, keeping me all for himself.

And I don't pull away.

Minutes ago I wanted death more than anything else, just wanted it to be over.

But now, sitting in his arms I realize that there is something I want more.

Him.

I move my head a little, and though I can't quite meet his eyes, I can sense his gaze upon me.

"I thought I was too late. I thought I'd lost you."

His lips press against the top of my head. The tone of his voice is so full of affection and pain it sends a jolt through my body.

I open my mouth to speak, but my lungs are still burning so the words come out hoarse.

"You almost were. You almost did. But somehow you've managed to keep me alive… again."

He sighs.

"What possessed you to do that?"

I don't answer right away, trying to find the right words.

"I wanted the pain to end. I didn't want anyone else to suffer because of me." The matter of fact tone in my voice surprises him a little.

"What about me? If you'd have died, I would've suffered."

His words hang in the air, the implication behind them clear.

_I can't be without you._

Slowly sitting up I finally meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry."

"Just don't ever do that again sweetheart. I don't care how bad things are. Never again."

I nod.

No more words are spoken, but our gazes stay locked together.

Seam grey eyes stare into seam grey eyes, every heart ache, every memory, every emotion reflected in our eyes.

Ever so gradually I start to lean in, and he does the same. The long seconds before our lips meet are antagonizing, but when they do I feel warmth seep through my entire being.

Haymitch cradles me closer and I move one hand to his face, caressing his cheek.

Our lips move together, and it's different from anything I've experienced. It's not like the tentative kisses from Peeta, or the rough, demanding ones from Gale.

It's soft but sure. His lips mould with mine like they were made for each other.

My heart pounds increasing faster against my chest as he holds me close.

I feel his tongue run along my bottom lip and I let him in. Our tongues explore each other, tasting and savouring each moment.

Kissing him makes me forget, because something about this man is exactly what I need.

Soon my body is hot, filling up with desire and I shift, throwing one leg over his lap so that I am straddling him. My hands fall to the soft muscle in his chest, and his settle in my hair.

Need is pulsing through me, and I can feel it in him too as our kisses increase in passion.

When he begins to pull away a small whimper of protest leaves my lips. He chuckles lowly and begins to kiss a trail down my jaw and neck.

The fire burns hotter within me, and I can no longer contain it. I want him, want him so badly my body aches.

In that moment I don't care that we're in a closet, or that I'm supposed to be killing Snow soon. The pain of my losses are dulled by him, the hurt I feel somehow seems less significant now.

Not wanting to wait another second I reach down and pull my own shirt from my body. I hear him gasp as his takes in my bare torso and breasts.

I slowly start to unbutton his shirt, and when I reach the last button I push the offending garment off of his frame.

It's my turn to gasp, his bare chest is muscular but still somehow soft. There is a large scare across his abdomen, but it makes him all the more handsome in my eyes.

Carelessly I run my hands along his body, loving the feel of warm flesh under my fingertips.

He sighs and it's my queue to find his lips again. I can tell he want this as much as I do but I feel a slight hesitation.

Wanting to curb any fears or uncertainty I reach for his hands and bring them to my uncovered breasts.

The feel of his warm palm against my hardening nipples is like nothing I've ever felt. I can't stop the moan of pleasure that slips from my throat.

Tentatively he begins to massage my supple flesh, and it's like a drug. He is like a shot of morphling injected into my veins, and I know that I will never have enough of this feeling.

When I can't take it anymore I rise from his lap. He looks up at me questioningly until he sees that I'm removing my pants and undergarments.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel a slight sense of pride in myself, because even though this is my first time being exposed to a man I feel no nerves.

I've always known it wasn't right with Gale or Peeta, which is why I didn't give myself to either of them, why I couldn't choose. Perhaps it's because it's always only been Haymitch, maybe there was never a choice to be made.

His eyes rake over my form and I can see his breath catch as he looks at my naked body, scared from the war.

"So beautiful."

His words are barely a whisper but they echo through the small room like the loudest cannon fire.

I let myself absorb them and I feel wetness settle between my legs, I am utterly ready for him.

I gesture for him to remove his remaining garments and his does.

"Stay sitting."

He obeys without question and I move back to him. My eyes move over his form, and land on his hard shaft. Another wave of desire pulses through me, I need to feel him, I can wait no longer.

Ever so slowly I lower myself down into his lap, again straddling him.

His erection presses against the slick folds of my centre and we both gasp at the sensation.

I lean into him, pushing my bare breasts against his chest. My hard nipples tingle at the feel of warm flesh. His hands find my hips and I begin to rock against him slowly.

Our lips meet again, both of us unable to contain our passion any more. I pull away from his lips for just long enough to whisper against them.

"Please Haymitch."

A deep breath escapes his mouth and I lift off of his lap just slightly.

He positions his shaft at my entrance and without hesitation I sink down onto him, letting him fill me entirely.

I expect to feel pain but I don't. My entire body is filled with a burning pleasure unlike anything else I've ever experienced.

I kiss him again, hard and demanding, wanting everything he has to give.

Pulling myself off of him just slightly before sinking back down, I let out a loud gasp.

Again and again I plunge him inside of me as his hands, which are on my hips, guide me. Soon he is pushing his hips up into me, burying himself deeper.

I tangle my fingers in his blonde hair, pulling him impossibly closer.

As we move together in fluid motions, our gasps and grunts filling the empty air, I know that I will be okay.

My body begins to tense and I lean in to capture his lips again, feeling my release approaching.

His caresses my lips with his own, wrapping his arms around me completely as his fills me.

My climax hits just as I feel him release into me with a loud moan, which is swallowed up as I do not part from his mouth.

When I can no longer breathe I pull away from him, desperate to fill my lungs with air, a very different idea from what I had only minutes ago as I lay trying to deprive myself of oxygen.

He pushes up into me a few more times and we ride out our climaxes together.

I can't stop my heavy breathing as I burrow my head into his shoulder, kissing his bare skin.

His arms tighten around me but he doesn't move, which I'm thankful for. I'd be content to stay with him inside of me forever.

When I've regained the ability to breath normally I look up into his face. His eyes are shining brighter than I've ever seen and a smile plays on his lips.

I grin back at him, and without thinking, utter three little words.

"I love you."

His smile broadens, spreading completely across his face. My eyes widen as I realize what I've just said. But somehow it feels natural, feels right, coming from my lips when it's directed at him.

"I love you too Katniss."

I snuggle closer to his naked body, him still inside of me and reflect. Somehow I know everything will be okay because this man is exactly like me, scarred and broken, but he is also everything I'm not, everything I need.

I am like a poison; but he is the antidote to my toxin. Like the nourishment to revive a wilted flower.

I am like a disease; but he is what stifles the spread of my infection. Like the only cure to a deadly virus.

I am like a raging fire; but he is the thing that tames me to a gentle flickering flame. Like the flames I see dancing in the hearth of a loving home.

He is both what I am and what I'm not.

I am life, and he is love.


End file.
